Dear Mothers,
Grab your husbands for this one. In honor of Father's day last Sunday, I wanted to post one of my favorite talks, Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship by M. Russell Ballard for you to reread. If you are the mother of a daughter serving, you should check out M. Russell Ballard's sister's equavelent talk entitled Mothers and Daughters. You'll find the same blessings as those promised in this fathers and sons talk.
The words of this talk are heaven sent and the promised blessings are true. After reading this talk and following the three steps given, I noticed an immediate change in my relationship with my own father. I find myself seeking his advice more often in the difficult decisions I face. I find in him a strong man. A man who has not only been through what I've been through, but one who offers me some of the best advice available to help me make these decisions. I am so thankful for my relationship with my father and appreciate it better because of the steps that I took to get to know him better.
That being said, I want to direct you fathers to read the three step that Elder Ballard suggested for you. After that, I want you to promise to try and emulate one of these steps in every letter you send to your son. Now, I understand that some of these are harder to do than others because of distance, but I promise you'll see a change in your relationship with your son, and he will too.
I have relisted the steps and some of their finer points here:
1) Fathers, listen to your sons—really listen to them. Ask the right kind of questions, and listen to what your sons have to say...Don't assume that you know how he feels just because you were young once. Your sons live in a very different world from the one in which you grew up. Listen very carefully and without being judgmental....Don't think you have to try to fix everything or solve everything during these visits (in this case, their letters). Most of the time, the best thing you can do is just listen.
2) Pray with your sons. This one is a bit harder to do since he lives so far away, but you can still pray with him about things that are important to him. Ask him for specific things to pray for. If he doesn't give you things, pay careful attention to the emails he sends home. They are often a vehicle from which you can divine the things he cares about most. Pray over specific people he mentions who are struggling or progressing. Pray they will be able to overcome any temptations or misgivings that may come their way. There are many ways you can pray together, without actually being together.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but I feel it is important: I am mindful that many of you fathers suffer heartache over sons who have strayed and are being captured by the world, just as Alma and Mosiah worried about their sons. Continue to do all you can to maintain strong family relationships. Never give up, even when fervent prayer in their behalf is all you can do. These precious sons of yours are your sons forever! Fathers, pray with and bless your sons.
3) Dare to have the "big talks" with your sons. Elder Ballard goes on to discuss having the important conversations about drugs, drinking, immorality, etc. These talks are much harder to have over email or through letters, but I would encourage you to pray for guidance on how you can have some of these "heavier" talks from such a long distance. Most missionaries might tell you they don't need these things, but they really do. They can be tempted there just as much as they are tempted here and they could use your supportive guidance when tough times come. So dare to have the big talks, even if they may feel awkward from a distance. Please don't shy away from them. If you don't have them, who will?
In closing, I would like to echo the words of Elder Ballard. I pray now that our Heavenly Father will bless all of us as fathers and sons that we will honor our priesthood and that we will love one another by making relationships with each other one of the great, eternal priorities of our lives.
For the full talk, please check the talk out at this link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/mothers-and-daughters?lang=eng
Sincerely,
Chris
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